What can you do if you are single and lonely?
Remember that being alone is not the same as being lonely. A time of being single is a chance to get to know yourself, build your confidence and become whole, so that when the right person comes along you are ready for a great relationship.
Are you really alone?
There comes a point in your life when you will want, or need, to be in a relationship. The special kind that makes you smile for no reason, stare off into space, or even trip over your own feet because you get lost in the emotions and good feelings. Those are lovely experiences to have. But perhaps they are better to have when we want them, as opposed to when we need them.
Sometimes you start to believe you are alone because no one is waiting when you come home at the end of the day. The house is empty. No one is there to say hello, and no one is there to say goodnight. Are you really alone?
It is instinctive for humans to want to pair up. Animals do it too, and we cannot have children without coming together in the most personal of ways. So the desire to couple is built into us. But are we alone if we are single?
You are not alone. You might be by yourself right now, searching online for someone to pair with, but today let's look for the good in it and see it from a different perspective. What does being single mean? Does it make you less of a person? Does being attached to someone else define you?
Most likely you tell yourself, "I need somebody. I can't be alone. Everybody has someone except me." Consider that being single might actually make you better. Let's look at how being single can improve your life, strengthen your self-esteem and build your inner strength.
Is being alone the same as being lonely?
No, there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. For some people, it is part of their path to spend periods of their life alone so they learn this difference. Most people on that path don't want it or understand why it must be this way.
But "why" is exactly the question to ask when you find yourself here. Why am I here? What is my purpose? What do I need to learn? Am I having any fun? (Wait, not that question.)
When we are alone, we are there to discover ourselves and our inner world, and to find a relationship with ourselves that brings understanding, empowerment and inner peace. We truly cannot be with another person until we have pieced together the different parts of ourselves that make us whole. That whole person is then ready to meet someone else who has done the same. That makes for a great relationship.
It's also the best reason to stay single for now: avoiding bad relationships, the ones you get into just so you're not alone. You may think, "That's a lot of work, and this alone stuff gets old quickly." Regardless, we will all find ourselves there at some point, and the lesson will be learned.
What are the benefits of being single?
The brilliant thing about being single isn't just the insight you gain. It's the road you travel to get there. There is so much a single person can do when they don't define themselves by having to be with someone to feel good. Being alone is when true fulfillment can come into your life, because you are not depending on anyone else to feel good or worthy. You can make yourself feel that way.
Besides the obvious, like traveling on a whim, feeling independent, flirting shamelessly and binge-watching Netflix, there is the big one: working on yourself. That brings a feeling of self-confidence and peace inside that is irreplaceable, even by another person filling a void that doesn't have to be there in the first place. You can use a time on your own to start a business, serve your community or conquer the world.
You are never truly alone. The journey within replaces fear and insecurity with confidence, doubt with certainty, and loneliness with a feeling of completeness, knowing you are loved from within.
Why not rush into a relationship just to avoid being single?
In a world of your own making, there is no one to bring you down or stop you from reaching your potential and going after what you want. And a time spent alone won't last forever, because life is always moving forward. If you find yourself single, find the good in it rather than seeing it as something bad.
If you need to be with someone just because you are single, you are selling yourself short, holding back your potential and risking never being truly happy. Happiness is not something you find. It is flowing with your own rhythm in the present, now, whatever the obstacles. The message is: align with your rhythm.
What is the lesson?
Be good to yourself and nurture your essence. As Shakespeare wrote:
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
In other words, if you stay honest and true to yourself, you will always be true with others. And if you find there is a time when you are single, remember you are not alone.
